%&!!%&*$!%&*!!&%!GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!&%$!#!&%!?!
My search for another job continues.
The longer the time I wait, the options increase--and I don't necessarily find this a good thing.
Why? It lacks focus and specificity. Whereas if I stick to the 'original and few' options, if not just one really, I can keep better track of my progress.
It's been 4 months since I began applying to other companies. I've had responses and unfortunately I cannot divulge them into detail. Bottom line is, I'm not yet hired.
I don't know if this is a sign in itself, but sign for what? Is it a sign to entertain a new option? A sign to focus only on the family business? A sign to focus only on the MBA? Or is it too early to tell?
Is 4 months too early? I have set a deadline to make it more practical. And it's by June! And I'm not sure what I'm going to tell myself if God wills that day, and how I'm gonna handle it whether I get the job or not.
Especially if not.
I've been contemplating about working for the government, or joining the military or something. I want to make use of my administrative skills on a different field--and I mean the military kind. Of course I have no idea if I'm a good candidate for it, but it might be worth a try as an interesting and pivotal experience. My dad of course would probably lock me down inside the house before I could try to apply. I'm not sure how my mother would react. She might send me to California and help out her sisters instead, which I'm thinking may not be a bad idea if I would actually be of service to my family (on my mother's side).
I will not deny it. I feel like a failure. Like, pathetic. It's really semi-depressing sometimes. I refuse to fall down way too hard, only because in case I'm up for another interview, I have enough strength to choose my interview outfit and print out a new set of my CV.
Sometimes when there's not enough work for me at the family business, I feel like a Bum. It's horrible. Like I'm a useless entity on this planet. Wasting resources and leaving carbon footprint everywhere, like how environmentally-conscious people put it.
Do not get me wrong, I am a hopeful person, if not optimistic with fireworks shooting out of my ass.
I do look forward to working in a new office during the weekdays and spending overtime for a work that need be done. I look forward to drinking my first coffee in my-first-official-out-of-the-family-business-job and spending hours without air-conditioning anymore because the company has an anti-OT policy.
I do not hate my family business; I simply want to make a name for myself out there because my family business focuses on a specific field that I have no training or educational background on. If you'll ask me why not, all I can say is, I was propelled to take something else, and in the end, I chose to work in yet, another different field. Altogether different from what I studied, and from what my family business is all about. So it could've been simple, but we all made it outstandingly difficult. And to play the blame-game is way too low and unnecessary, that I'd rather worry about how much weight I've gained since high school graduation.
And by the by, it was so much, I look like I ate half of myself and stood to live.
On a brighter, more effort-ful mode, I do swim, jog/run and do weight-lifting these days. Sadly, my food intake is the most unpredictable, unplanned and inconsistent aspect of my weight reduction 'commitment', which is why I remain 1 1/2 of myself.
Until I turn back into just, me, I understand I have to predict, plan and be consistent. If only I can control better.
Speaking of better, I'm glad to share that I've met some old friends recently. It sucks for me not to be able to share the details and just give some sort of, (context?) clues. I'll never know who the random person is that happened to pass by this blog, so I gotta keep up with the (vagrancies?)
All I can say is that it feels so good to catch up with them. It felt exactly like how one of my old friends put it, 'I knew I was missing a limb!'--and just like that, I found it. Or them.
Unfortunately, for one of them; as soon as I found, I lost. And it was quite a subtle reaction. So subtle, I can't believe I let myself believe, that I actually caught up with my goal.
Nonetheless, nonetheless...it served its purpose--whatever the heck it is. And it happened, and I can say it was worth it. It did give me a peace of mind. And I'm so happy that we met again.
I can't describe the disappointment of losing just right after gaining, simply because it is a genuine possibility that I didn't lose this person. Some people just don't want to be found.
They want to be right where they are; on their own or making their way somewhere, and they don't want others to accompany them. It's their thing, whether it's a problem or a vow. I have no idea. I don't know.
The best thing I can do for myself is to let go. Of course I'd be a liar if I said I don't think about it anymore. I'm still hoping. But a part of me is singing soft and sure about new chances, and focusing on these things, rather than the past.
For the ones that held on now I have them back, I love you. I never stopped loving you and hoping that I could say these words again after the longest time we were all apart.
Our friendship and sisterhood means a part of my history to me. And my history, is my story.
Especially if I intend this new chapter to be in this story.
My search for another job continues.
The longer the time I wait, the options increase--and I don't necessarily find this a good thing.
Why? It lacks focus and specificity. Whereas if I stick to the 'original and few' options, if not just one really, I can keep better track of my progress.
It's been 4 months since I began applying to other companies. I've had responses and unfortunately I cannot divulge them into detail. Bottom line is, I'm not yet hired.
I don't know if this is a sign in itself, but sign for what? Is it a sign to entertain a new option? A sign to focus only on the family business? A sign to focus only on the MBA? Or is it too early to tell?
Is 4 months too early? I have set a deadline to make it more practical. And it's by June! And I'm not sure what I'm going to tell myself if God wills that day, and how I'm gonna handle it whether I get the job or not.
Especially if not.
I've been contemplating about working for the government, or joining the military or something. I want to make use of my administrative skills on a different field--and I mean the military kind. Of course I have no idea if I'm a good candidate for it, but it might be worth a try as an interesting and pivotal experience. My dad of course would probably lock me down inside the house before I could try to apply. I'm not sure how my mother would react. She might send me to California and help out her sisters instead, which I'm thinking may not be a bad idea if I would actually be of service to my family (on my mother's side).
I will not deny it. I feel like a failure. Like, pathetic. It's really semi-depressing sometimes. I refuse to fall down way too hard, only because in case I'm up for another interview, I have enough strength to choose my interview outfit and print out a new set of my CV.
Sometimes when there's not enough work for me at the family business, I feel like a Bum. It's horrible. Like I'm a useless entity on this planet. Wasting resources and leaving carbon footprint everywhere, like how environmentally-conscious people put it.
Do not get me wrong, I am a hopeful person, if not optimistic with fireworks shooting out of my ass.
I do look forward to working in a new office during the weekdays and spending overtime for a work that need be done. I look forward to drinking my first coffee in my-first-official-out-of-the-family-business-job and spending hours without air-conditioning anymore because the company has an anti-OT policy.
I do not hate my family business; I simply want to make a name for myself out there because my family business focuses on a specific field that I have no training or educational background on. If you'll ask me why not, all I can say is, I was propelled to take something else, and in the end, I chose to work in yet, another different field. Altogether different from what I studied, and from what my family business is all about. So it could've been simple, but we all made it outstandingly difficult. And to play the blame-game is way too low and unnecessary, that I'd rather worry about how much weight I've gained since high school graduation.
And by the by, it was so much, I look like I ate half of myself and stood to live.
On a brighter, more effort-ful mode, I do swim, jog/run and do weight-lifting these days. Sadly, my food intake is the most unpredictable, unplanned and inconsistent aspect of my weight reduction 'commitment', which is why I remain 1 1/2 of myself.
Until I turn back into just, me, I understand I have to predict, plan and be consistent. If only I can control better.
Speaking of better, I'm glad to share that I've met some old friends recently. It sucks for me not to be able to share the details and just give some sort of, (context?) clues. I'll never know who the random person is that happened to pass by this blog, so I gotta keep up with the (vagrancies?)
All I can say is that it feels so good to catch up with them. It felt exactly like how one of my old friends put it, 'I knew I was missing a limb!'--and just like that, I found it. Or them.
Unfortunately, for one of them; as soon as I found, I lost. And it was quite a subtle reaction. So subtle, I can't believe I let myself believe, that I actually caught up with my goal.
Nonetheless, nonetheless...it served its purpose--whatever the heck it is. And it happened, and I can say it was worth it. It did give me a peace of mind. And I'm so happy that we met again.
I can't describe the disappointment of losing just right after gaining, simply because it is a genuine possibility that I didn't lose this person. Some people just don't want to be found.
They want to be right where they are; on their own or making their way somewhere, and they don't want others to accompany them. It's their thing, whether it's a problem or a vow. I have no idea. I don't know.
The best thing I can do for myself is to let go. Of course I'd be a liar if I said I don't think about it anymore. I'm still hoping. But a part of me is singing soft and sure about new chances, and focusing on these things, rather than the past.
For the ones that held on now I have them back, I love you. I never stopped loving you and hoping that I could say these words again after the longest time we were all apart.
Our friendship and sisterhood means a part of my history to me. And my history, is my story.
Especially if I intend this new chapter to be in this story.
