Real Talk on HOME QUARANTINE (Special Episode)

Yum-my: Oh La La, Something's Airing in Manila This October -- And we better watch out!

Ah, the sweet-smelling aroma of bread! The luscious scent of—whoa, wait a second. I’m talking about a TV Show, and it’s all about channeling the senses with the eyes and ears ladies and gents!

And the taste buds will soon have to follow.

TLC or the Travel & Living Channel is bringing over fresh new talents to wow us this season with two homegrown British baker-brothers! Tom and Henry Herbert will share with us their family cooking traditions, cool spins on classic recipes and of course, their very own creations.

If you’re one to bake, it’s highly possible that this show might just complement your culinary prowess. If you’ve never whisked an egg before or have been pondering on using the oven to bake something for real, the Baker Brothers are coming to guide you!

With several generations of bakers to back up their experience and knowledge, I have the confidence that these boys know how to guide fellow-bakers and enthusiasts alike. It can be fun to compare your personal recipes and ideas with their own, and see how they whip it up the Herbert Way.

The show airs at October 16, and runs on Wednesdays at 7:30PM, encores on Thursdays at 10:30AM and Saturdays at 10:30PM. So if you’re home taking a break from work, be sure to lock in at TLC and watch out for these guys, The Fabulous Baker Brothers. Best to enjoy the show with friends and family who share the love for food and baking! Spread the word and get watching!

A New Chapter - Version 2.3.7 (2 decades, 3 years, 7 months)

%&!!%&*$!%&*!!&%!GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!&%$!#!&%!?!

My search for another job continues.

The longer the time I wait, the options increase--and I don't necessarily find this a good thing.

Why? It lacks focus and specificity. Whereas if I stick to the 'original and few' options, if not just one really, I can keep better track of my progress.

It's been 4 months since I began applying to other companies. I've had responses and unfortunately I cannot divulge them into detail. Bottom line is, I'm not yet hired.

I don't know if this is a sign in itself, but sign for what? Is it a sign to entertain a new option? A sign to focus only on the family business? A sign to focus only on the MBA? Or is it too early to tell?

Is 4 months too early? I have set a deadline to make it more practical. And it's by June! And I'm not sure what I'm going to tell myself if God wills that day, and how I'm gonna handle it whether I get the job or not.

Especially if not.

I've been contemplating about working for the government, or joining the military or something. I want to make use of my administrative skills on a different field--and I mean the military kind. Of course I have no idea if I'm a good candidate for it, but it might be worth a try as an interesting and pivotal experience. My dad of course would probably lock me down inside the house before I could try to apply. I'm not sure how my mother would react. She might send me to California and help out her sisters instead, which I'm thinking may not be a bad idea if I would actually be of service to my family (on my mother's side).

I will not deny it. I feel like a failure. Like, pathetic. It's really semi-depressing sometimes. I refuse to fall down way too hard, only because in case I'm up for another interview, I have enough strength to choose my interview outfit and print out a new set of my CV.

Sometimes when there's not enough work for me at the family business, I feel like a Bum. It's horrible. Like I'm a useless entity on this planet. Wasting resources and leaving carbon footprint everywhere, like how environmentally-conscious people put it.

Do not get me wrong, I am a hopeful person, if not optimistic with fireworks shooting out of my ass.

I do look forward to working in a new office during the weekdays and spending overtime for a work that need be done. I look forward to drinking my first coffee in my-first-official-out-of-the-family-business-job and spending hours without air-conditioning anymore because the company has an anti-OT policy.

I do not hate my family business; I simply want to make a name for myself out there because my family business focuses on a specific field that I have no training or educational background on. If you'll ask me why not, all I can say is, I was propelled to take something else, and in the end, I chose to work in yet, another different field. Altogether different from what I studied, and from what my family business is all about. So it could've been simple, but we all made it outstandingly difficult. And to play the blame-game is way too low and unnecessary, that I'd rather worry about how much weight I've gained since high school graduation.

And by the by, it was so much, I look like I ate half of myself and stood to live.

On a brighter, more effort-ful mode, I do swim, jog/run and do weight-lifting these days. Sadly, my food intake is the most unpredictable, unplanned and inconsistent aspect of my weight reduction 'commitment', which is why I remain 1 1/2 of myself.

Until I turn back into just, me, I understand I have to predict, plan and be consistent. If only I can control better.

Speaking of better, I'm glad to share that I've met some old friends recently. It sucks for me not to be able to share the details and just give some sort of, (context?) clues. I'll never know who the random person is that happened to pass by this blog, so I gotta keep up with the (vagrancies?)

All I can say is that it feels so good to catch up with them. It felt exactly like how one of my old friends put it, 'I knew I was missing a limb!'--and just like that, I found it. Or them.

Unfortunately, for one of them; as soon as I found, I lost. And it was quite a subtle reaction. So subtle, I can't believe I let myself believe, that I actually caught up with my goal.

Nonetheless, nonetheless...it served its purpose--whatever the heck it is. And it happened, and I can say it was worth it. It did give me a peace of mind. And I'm so happy that we met again.

I can't describe the disappointment of losing just right after gaining, simply because it is a genuine possibility that I didn't lose this person. Some people just don't want to be found.

They want to be right where they are; on their own or making their way somewhere, and they don't want others to accompany them. It's their thing, whether it's a problem or a vow. I have no idea. I don't know.

The best thing I can do for myself is to let go. Of course I'd be a liar if I said I don't think about it anymore. I'm still hoping. But a part of me is singing soft and sure about new chances, and focusing on these things, rather than the past.

For the ones that held on now I have them back, I love you. I never stopped loving you and hoping that I could say these words again after the longest time we were all apart.

Our friendship and sisterhood means a part of my history to me. And my history, is my story.

Especially if I intend this new chapter to be in this story.





















 

Why does it work like that sometimes?
You meet someone, they come, they go.

No promises. You knew them, you heard them. It was simple, possibly even pure.
But even while they're gone, the memory stays.

So do you keep on meeting new someones after knowing it'll only be another memory, or do you stop meeting new ones because you learned your lesson?

Provided that you felt wrong or hurt. Otherwise you're a memory-collector or something. One of those people who do it on purpose for their varied colourful reasons. Whether your reasons are right or wrong. Let alone who can tell if it's even right or wrong. (For the sake of argument, let's leave that to the moral compass.)

Or you continue; open to risking yourself in new relationships, hoping someday, one person finally stops leaving and chooses to stay.

There're wild cards, as I fondly think of them; like you're a passive open book, and one day someone picks you up and starts reading you and before you know it...something, just something inexplicable between you two just happened and keeps happening, that you can't get enough. That one day, you found what you have, in fact, been waiting for (as a passive, contented, open book), or, what you were formerly looking for.

And then my other favourite wild card: Still in the game, with the same reason of meeting someone, who'll finally put them out of the game.

I don't know why we chance upon people who come in and don't stay, especially when we want them to.
I also don't know why we let people in, and then choose to leave them anyway, for whatever reason we have.

Is it a pattern? Are we comfortable with our pattern? Is it karma? You finally know how it feels.

All I know now, is that it hurts a hell lot, when you lose someone you either cherished, or wish you could've cheished.
Maybe because I knew, we could've found a way to make more memories but chose not to risk it.

Either I believe what I have now without them is worth it, or what I could still have is even more.
Come and go.
Come and stay.
I come you go.
I come you stay.
We both come we both go.
We both come we both stay.

I seriously think life, and that Big Force and Entity out there is writing stories out of my life.

I'd like to sit back and read that someday. A long, long, long time from now, kind of someday.

The Return! - Hakuna Matata - PART 2

Until my next job comes knocking at my door, I wait, and try to practice patience, now more than ever.

Withdrawal from Writing

Recently, I started uploading short chapters of a new work, written by yours truly. I don't even have a title for it. I just went on and uploaded these...ideas. This story about college kids and doing their thing and keeping on despite the hormones.

So, I was on it, for a short while, and the short while that it was, stoppped right there.
I was asking myself if this was the usual block, or, did I lose the energy to keep writing due to various reasons, none to do with the block.

Honestly, since the career shift that I've been meaning to pursue, my commitment to writing have altered as well.
No longer do I feel the urgency to be in front of the screen, or a perceived blank sheet of paper and typing away.
Instead, I find myself thinking it could always wait, and that my writing could still improve with new experiences over time.

Of course at the back of my head, I'm dying, but my reality is that publishing has crushed my ego, and time is of the essence.
To make new stories mean more time. I can write a page of conversation or narration or both and take 3 hours and not notice it. Novels are my usual course. A novel for me has the page count between 500-700+. Not to mention the time it needs to reflect upon scene by scene, chapter by chapter. The seeming endless changes that I can make if I felt unsatisfied by a particular happening. Or a change of mind or heart. Anything can happen in a novel! The days, weeks, months and years it can take me. The longer, the more complicated, the more it matters to me.
I imagine myself doing this, and then I think of my reality now...

23. Still working for my father. With a BA degree, and an MA-passer to boot, but without any license except my driver's. I have nothing to be proud of except that once upon a time, I used to be reasonably active as a college student, part of a prestigious university chorale, a singer, and that I used to have this passion for writing, whether as a contributing writer, or an editor.

I became tired of these sentiments, and I suppose I simply want to embrace a new chapter of my life that may or may not include the Arts.

As terrifying as it may sound, I seem to be one of those artists who claim themselves to be such, but stopped going any further.
So now, I feel and have allowed myself to be a non-practicioner, but someone else who wants to master a different kind of art.

Lack of Energy...and, There's a Dog in my House

Maybe the lack of energy may have come from withdrawal from writing.
Or that I recently got a dog.
Every day I face this energy-filled entity that stands less than a foot, and grovel until he finally eats his breakfast/lunch/dinner.
I'm no professional, but I try to train him well. Definitely inadequate and/or incorrect training, so I fancy myself saving enough money to get him trained someday, or maybe I'll attend classes as a 'trainer' and do justice for my dog.
Idk.

Nonetheless, having a dog in your house can be energy-zapping, especially if you're the only one actively looking out for him.
I have to be very thankful though; our new help has been very generous with her time and energy with Potch. She helps me clean after Potch and feed him. It's been a blessing. The last help was just as generous, but Grace is far more considerate and thoughtful. I highly appreciate this (and I tell her my thanks!!)

So despite the lack of energy, the extended help has given me some of that energy back.

I recently told a friend, Madeline Castillo, whose blog I'd like to promote, entitled 'Thoughts and Thingamajigs'

 http://maddiewritesagain.blogspot.com/2013/01/lifes-lemons.html

that spending too much energy on the 'big' things we don't know, or will never know (ie. destiny, fate) ain't worth the freaking worry.

So I tell myself the same thing now; sh*t happens when it happens.

Until then, honestly?        Hakuna Matata.

For the things you can prevent, by all means, work on it, but seriously speaking, reality also translates into things that we cannot control, so for the things that we cannot, that is beyond our depth and reach, Hakuna Matata.

On the post-script: keep the faith.

--Precisely because you have faith that you don't have to worry for the rest of the day.

 

The Return! - Body Ache - PART 1

Woke up with pain reverberating under my arms. And that is the awesome effect of yoga after being out of practice for some time.

The long gap between this entry and the last, I can explain through a summary:

• holiday retreat. ie. sleeping late, waking up late, going out with friends, random and not-so random hearfelt conversations, parent-child fights, listing down life's resolutions
• recent jobhunt
• withdrawal from writing
• lack of energy
• there's a dog in my house

Given that I left grad school for what I imagined to be a greener pasture, I find myself doubting my own decisions and fearing, as usual, the imminent future. Why I'm not as strong and believing as I prefer myself to be, I leave that to my unconscious.

But writing, as I wrote it/typed it somewhere before, is my saving grace. Was, is, and for all I know, will be.

So I turn to my blog, if not my leather-bound journal, to put words down and make sense of life, and my life, so I don't feel as terrified.

Holiday Retreat

I was blessed enough to have spent it again with family and relatives at our traditional meeting place, our beloved second home, my gradparents' place in Cabiao, Nueva Ecija.
We played our much beloved BINGO, thanks to our uber supportive Tita Eva, who supervises the entire activity. For those who don't know, BINGO is a... oh shucks how do I explain this..
It's a game where random numbers are picked from a container, usually a long bottle-neck..bottle, and the numbers come with any letters from B-I-N-G-O.  The games comes with a deck of paper-cards, three quarters the size of an adult hand, where random numbers are randomly placed under the heading of the same letters, B-I-N-G-O. The rule, usually, states that one must either horizontally or vertically secure a series of random numbers altogether. A 'one line', if I may put it. Whoever 'completes' a straight line first, from randomly drawn numbers, wins.
Here's a link of a sample picture, which I drew out of facebook, and placed on public mode to show you:
 http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=427865777285051&set=a.402059653198997.93173.100001848974695&type=1&theater
My first win was an instant noodle cup! And yes, honestly, in a BINGO game, one would be, (well, maybe half the time only) more delighted at the fact that they won at all.

New Year's Eve was celebrated at home with cousins from my dad's side.:)
Congratulations to the newly wed, Ate Lo and Kuya Kap! Am very happy for you both!
And while I wait for any effort from the boys who allegedly had a crush on me at the reception, I shall look forward to ate Lo's referral from her office instead.:)))))) Given that it's actually for real.
And yes, I shall 'spill' the details in my blog (if I remember to do so), if a date would at all commence.:))

And before the New Year came over and tapped our shoulders, there was one very furry creature that licked our toes---come to think of it--even right before Christmas came in.

Meet Potch.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=427959467275682&set=a.402059653198997.93173.100001848974695&type=3&theater
A handsome, albeit energetic ball of annoyance that has invaded our lives.
He was a gift. Literally. Or maybe a half-request as well, on my end, not knowing that he was capable of gnawing wood and beating termites at the job.

If I'm not mistaken, and dear reader, if you think I am, feel free to share his breed; he's a Spitz. A German Spitz, so far we considered.

He has been identified in different entities as well: a large cat, a wolf, a racoon (this was my first comparison), a cub (of a bear, yes), a cross between wolf and bear, a hairy dark piglette, and my recent personal favourite a very large, very enormous, very dark, catterpillar. (but if you could only stare at his back.)

I love the look of Potch's cute little butt when he walks; all perched up and like a baby! He is a puppy, in all seriousness. But his father, who I also met at his birthplace (Tagaytay, Cavite), looked just the same!

He's a son from a frist/second mother of the same breed, and all of his siblings are boys, too. And all of them are furry WHITE! Potch was the only one that came out that looked like his father:))) oh he was so adorable, the size of my palm...

First time I saw him, he got up, yawned, and fell back to the ground, sideways.

And I was taken.

One month later, I'm not sure if I'm as taken, but, he did captivate our hearts. And I'm partially hell-scared of taking care of him because to be honest, I'm not so good at it.

I feel sad more than half the time these days because he's all cooped up in his room since my parents won't let him roam around the house anymore.
And please let's not argue about me not moving out yet (because, yeah, maybe that can help Potch; his own space. Imagine.) My father had made it clear that I shant move out lest am married.

Ye, bitches. MARRIED. Which now leads me to,


Recent Jobhunt

So maybe that can be negotiable, I could force it to be, PROVIDED I HAD ANOTHER JOB.

So with regard to career, I sadly report that I am still not where I want to be, ideally.

But heck who knows what ideal should be. I have done my part. It's time to wait, and make follow-up calls, and apply some more if it just didn't work out.

Techinically, it's been around 2 weeks since I first applied in jobstreet.com.

I have been generally ignored by prospective employers. They have their reasons, and I shall be calling them soon to ask what's up. (On a serious note, simply to ask, what's my status. A friend advised me this was an honest, good move, to show assertiveness as well, and to remind HR, in case they lost or forgot about my application. She read it from a career-inspired column or something.)



 

Getting There

Office life isn't mundane.
It's like a mind-field of tunnels.

There's always one way to get to the next tunnel, or a secret passageway, or a forgotten shortcut, old and rusty, that you could still use.

I recently interviewed a female intern for our engineering team. I'm quite excited about this. This is, I think, the 2nd or 3rd time I've encountered a female engineering graduate for application, and it makes me proud.

The majority are men, as a matter of fact. Although I am just as proud to have male interns for the engineering department, there's definitely a different feeling at the thought of having more females in the team as well.

So far, the girls in the office come from either the administrative or the human resource departments. Perhaps to get male applicants for these departments would be an exciting trend for the office as well!

The more the merrier!

I do hope the same applies to incoming projects! That would be suuuper lovely!